So I skipped a day of blogging, but I'm not going to feel guilty since I'm doing better keeping up than I thought I would, lol. Yesterday was pretty uneventful. Made it to the gym with the 15 yr old sister, and sent my resume to one of my friends who forwarded to her boss (Thank You!). Answered an email on one of the dating sites I use. (Yes, I use dating sites, I hardly ever go out anymore, and that makes it hard to meet people). Today a was little more eventful. Heard from my friend I sent my resume to, and I have an interview in about a week and a half. We'll set up a definitive time sometime next week. :) I made it to the gym again (3rd day in a row, yay me!) and I hit the elliptical again. I figured I would barely make it 5 mins since I haven't worked out in 4 months, but I was able to make it 15 mins. I also spoke some more to the guy from the dating site. Exchanged instant message info, and then phone info, so we've been texting for the past few hours. This could have some potential. Hmmm. We shall see.
On another note, I'm going to show my pathetic side again. Still having issues not thinking about the ex. It could be because I've heard from him before that he never wants to hear from me again, and then a month or so later, I hear from him. It could be because we're both on the same dating site, and it matches us, so he pops up in my matches from time to time. I also know that he's been to my profile a couple times, the last being a couple days ago. I think that, in some part of my heart, I still have hope. Hope for what I'm not sure. Maybe it's that I feel I didn''t get closure on our relationship. Maybe it's because he is one of 3 people I've truly loved that wasn't family or friend. What I am sure of, is he will always have a piece of my heart. But so does everyone I've ever loved. Love can change it's form. No two people are alike, so I think it would be hard to love any two people the same way. It's hardest at night, when I'm the only one awake. I have nothing to distract me, and I'm alone with my thoughts, and it's when I get hit with memories. It's not even like we were together all that long. Long enough for me to give my heart. That's all it really takes in the end. It doesn't matter how long, but what you felt. But at night, that's when I miss him the most. When I still get that ache in my heart, and I feel discouraged about everything. It makes me want just one more night, where we fall asleep on the couch, or just one more kiss goodbye. I feel all this for him, and yet, I know that I can still go out there, and try to find someone new. Should I find someone new, I know that missing him will fade, and my memories of him, with him, will be bittersweet, but those will fade too, over time. Again though, it's hard for me to move on from someone who refered to himself as first my boyfriend, then my fiance; it's hard to move on because I believed it, and I wanted that. It's hard to move on from someone who tells you to break it off with the guy you started seeing after you broke up. You want to believe that when he said "I love you", he meant it, and that makes it hard to move on as well. But, everyday, I guess you could say it hurts a little less, and the hope fades a little more. Maybe its for the best. Or maybe he'll read this blog, and my hope will have been valid. Who knows. But for now, Sara Evans says it best....
"A Little Bit Stronger"
Woke up late today, and I still feel the sting of the pain.
But I brushed my teeth anyway, got dressed through the mess and put a smile on my face.
I got a little bit stronger.
Riding in the car to work, and I'm trying to ignore the hurt.
So I turned on the radio, Stupid song made me think of you,
I listened to it for minute, but I changed it.
I'm getting a little bit stronger, just a little bit stronger.
And I'm done hoping that we can work it out,
I'm done with how it feels, spinning my wheels
Letting you drag my heart around.
And ohhh
I'm done thinking, that you could ever change.
I know my heart will never be the same,
but I'm telling myself I'll be okay.
Even on my weakest days, I get a little bit stronger.
Doesn't happen over night, but you turn around and a months gone by,
And you realize you haven't cried.
I'm not giving you a hour or a second or another minute longer.
I'm busy getting stronger.
And I'm done hoping that we can work it out,
I'm done with how it feels, spinning my wheels
Letting you drag my heart around.
And ohhh
I'm done thinking, that you could ever change.
I know my heart will never be the same,
but I'm telling myself I'll be okay.
Even on my weakest days, I get a little bit stronger.
I get a little bit stronger.
Getting along without you baby,
I'm better off without you baby,
How does it feel with out me baby?
I'm getting stronger without you baby.
And I'm done hoping that we can work it out,
I'm done with how it feels, spinning my wheels
Letting you drag my heart around.
And ohhh
I'm done thinking, that you could ever change.
I know my heart will never be the same,
but I'm telling myself I'll be okay,
Even on my weakest days, I get a little bit stronger.
I get a little bit stronger.
I'm just a little bit stronger.
A little bit, a little bit, a little bit stronger.
I get a little bit stronger
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