Depends on your definition of productive....

I think I had a fairly productive day. Did some laundry when I got up, then cooked my ground turkey. I seasoned it with taco meat, and it was yum. Then I made some Turkey Taco Egg Bites-main recipe courtesy of http://theworldaccordingtoeggface.blogspot.com/2009/01/super-bites.html They turned out really good, especially considering  I have a really hard time eating eggs. And there are plenty so I'm able to save some for my dad and step-mom to try. Then, because I was bored, I decided to make some cinnamon rolls from scratch. The recipe I used was so-so. The reviews for it said they tasted like Cinnabon's, but I found the icing a bit too sweet, and the dough pretty bland. I won't be using that recipe again. But, the house does smell good. It was kinda fun too, to try and find things to use in place of my normal tools. A wine bottle wrapped in plastic wrap in place of a rolling pin for example. Tomorrow I will be making the Lemon Meringue dessert thing.

I spoke to J earlier-well not actually spoke, but IM'd. It felt kind of awkward, and I didn't get the chance to ask him if I am a fool for getting my hopes up. I'll probably text him later and ask him. Maybe. I think I may need to get up the courage to do so. I have a can of 4lokos, and that will definitely do the trick of loosening my tongue, so to speak. Half a can does the trick of getting me buzzed so we shall see. Unfortunately, on the downside of having all this time by myself, is the time to think. Maybe I'm PMSing, maybe I'm just being emotional, but I keep crying. Not full blown crying, but wear I'm in the middle of doing something totally ordinary, and missing him gets to me, and I start to cry. Hunch over curled into the fetal position if possible, heart breaking kind of cry. I can usually stop it before it gets full blown but still. It really sucks. It could be subconsciously be the reason I made the cinnamon rolls. Fell back onto my old habits of comfort eating, using eating as a way to comfort the emotional pain.

Puddle of Mudd-Control

I love the way you look at me
I feel the pain you place inside
Lock me up inside ya dirty cage
While I’m alone inside my mind

I like to teach you all the rules
I’d get to see them set in stone
I like it when you chain me to the bed
There ya secrets never shone

[chorus]
I need to feel you
You need to feel me
I can’t control you
You’re not the one for me, no

I can’t control you
You can’t control me
I need to feel you
So why’s it involve

I love the way you rape my skin
I feel the hate you place inside
I need to get your voice out of my head
Cause I’m the guy you’ll never find


I’m faking all of the rules
There’s no expressions on your face
I’m hoping some day you will let me go
Release me from my dirty cage

[chorus]
I need to feel you
You need to feel me
I can’t control you
You’re not the one for me, no

I can’t control you
You can’t control me
I need to feel you
So why’s it involve...you and me..

[repeat 4x]
I love the way you look at me
I love the way you smack my ass
I love the dirty things you do
I have control of you

[chorus]
I need to feel you
You need to feel me
I can’t control you
You’re not the one for me, no

I can’t control you
You can’t control me
I need to feel you
So why’s it involve you and me..

[repeat 4x]
You’re not the one for me, no