rambling along

It occurred to me that the reason I have been talking about my ex so much on here, is I can't really talk about it that much with my friends. Not really, really talk about it. lol. And that it's going to get confusing saying the ex, and that guy I was dating, so the ex will now be referred to as J, the guy I was dating will be M and the new guy I've been talking to will be M2. As well as someone else who shall be referred to as I. Huh. That may get confusing. Ok, well, i still haven't heard from J since I emailed him asking him if he is still mad, so I'm still kinda waiting on pins and needles to see what he says. My stomache is kind of in knots. I did go to teh movies with M last night; saw Season of the Witch, which was better than I expected. Afterwords I drove out and met M2. I think we could have fun together. Another thing we'll have to wait and see about. I went to the gym again today, and I am waaay sore. Going to have to take a few days off. Got to talking with my friend I was there with after our workout, and I was kind of going over the whole J stuff I've been going through lately, and I had told her how I almost asked him to marry me. She laughed, and said that even if I end up marrying him, we'll get divorced because she has always seen me endeding up with our friend I. I have a bit of a past, you could say, with I. We've hooked up a few times, flirt whenever we hangout, etc. I've always had a thing for him, which she knows. She's known him a lot longer than I have; they went to elementry school and such together, and she said she's never see him act the way he does with me with anyone else, and that I'm the only one he asks her about whenever he sees her, and asks her for my number though I never hear from him. Lol. Got my mind going tonight. Wondering what he does feel for me, and if my friend is right; maybe I will end up with I. Though it wouldn't happen until after he gets through this "playboy" stage.  Even with thoughts of I in my head, and having seen both M and M2 last night, I still can't get my mind, and heart, off of J. Waiting to see if he responds to the email is killing me. It's not fair of him to get my hopes up the way he has. To tell me he wants me to stay away, but to visit my page, and make sure I know he added me to his favorites, I'm just not sure what to think. Am I supposed to be getting my hopes up, that the one I love is ready to talk to me? Or is he just messing with my head, and my heart is going to break again?