Something that I have noticed since I had my Lap-Band is that people have a tendancy to think that since I have it, I won't want food anymore. That isn't true. As does almost every fat person, or former fat person, out there, I have an unhealthy relationship with food. It's not something that can change overnight, and I suspect I will always have , for lack of a better word, obsession with food. It drives my mom nuts. I talk about food a lot. I know I do. But I do seem obssessed with it. Even if I'm not hungry, I can talk about it. Even if it's something I know I can't eat because it will make me sick, I talk about it. On a bit of an upside, I try to find healthier recipes now. I try to find ways to make the foods I love a little bit healthier. Honestly, i'm kind of suprised I haven't mentioned food before now, because it's such a constant thought in my head.
I want to say that my self-esteem has gotten better since I've lost more than half the weight I need to lose. I still have moments though, where I feel like crud. When I change is a big one. I have a lot of loose skin now, and due to gravity, I'm kind of, well, droopy. I'm squishy, as my 11 year old sis likes to say. I can honestly say, I can't wait til I hit goal, and can get the excess cut off.
We dropped my sister off for camp yesterday. I always get jealous when her, and our other sisters go, because I'm too old. I have a lot of great memories up there. I made some great friends up there, people I'm still friends with. I was lucky to have them. :) Wasn't able to get to the gym yesterday but that's ok because I had already gone 3 days in a row. And go figure, I gained 3 pounds in the days I went to the gym, I don't go yesterday, and I lose 3 pounds. Weird.
In a previous post, I had mentioned that my ex and I are on the same dating site. The last I had heard from him in December he had said to stay away from him, and I have. In the past few weeks, I know he's been visiting my profile, and today, added me to his favorites list. I have my profile set to email me with new notifications. So I go on and check, and I have an email on the site saying "So-and-So has added you to his friends list, and wants you to know." I emailed him in response asking if he's done being mad then. Who knows. It's kinda confusing though. It goes along with the whole thing of that little bit of hope being kept alive. I told my friend, and she's annoyed with me for emailing him, but that's ok. I don't mind. I just hope he's not doing it to just mess with my head, and heart. I'm not ready for it to break again.
Again, in a previous post, I had also mentioned that I had been seeing someone, but I've only heard from him a couple times since before Christmas. As it tends to happen, whenever I mention I haven't heard from him, I hear from him. Happens without fail almost every time. Which means, you guessed it, I heard from him. I'm supposed to me meeting up with him tonight. Again, we'll see how it goes.
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