Home for a night

I spent the last couple of days out at my Dad's house in Simi Valley. Dog sitting. Lol. Which translates into feed the dogs in the morning, and let them out to do their business. They ignore me when my Dad and Step-mom leave. Unless I have food. But that's fine. It's quiet over there, and I have some privacy, which I don't have here. I tried a new Chicken Enchilada Soup recipe while I was out there. It was too bland for my tastes, so I'm going to tweak the recipe some this weekend. I got home today, and I'm driving back out there tomorrow to dog sit again while they go out of town for my Step-mom's birthday. I plan on making her something to suprise her like I did when they went out of town last year. Her favorite desert is Lemon Meringue Pie, and I did it with a twist last year. I made a Lemon Mernigue Tart, and Lemon Meringue Cookies, plus a Devils food cake with a carmel sauce filling, and coffee butter cream. Yum. This year, I plan on doing either an actual Lemon Meringue Pie, or do it with a twist again this year. I found a recipe where the merigue is the crust filled with a lemon custard. Kind of like an upside down pie. It sounds kinda fun.


As I mentioned perviously, I had emailed J in response to the notification I had recieved saying he had added me to his favorites. Still haven't heard from him, so I emailed him again today, but a little more in depth. Before I had simply asked "Does that mean you're done being mad?". Todays email- "

Or maybe you are still mad. This is driving me nuts. I wish I knew what you wanted. Everytime I go to the visitors page, and you show up, it gets my hopes up and breaks my heart at the same time. Then I get something in my inbox saying you added me to your favorites and you want me to know, and there go my hopes again. I don't know what to think. It makes it really hard to try and move on. I thought that was what you wanted. Now, I'm not sure, and I'm confused, and I don't know what you want. Just tell me, so I know if I'm a fool for getting my hopes up, or if I should move on. " . We'll see if I get a response this time. I really would like to know either way. Either tell me to F*** off, or start talking to me, or SOMETHING. It's killing me. A day doesn't pass where I don't think of him, and my heart aches everytime I do. I'm tired of my heart hurting. I'm tired of randomly crying because of him. And yet, I can't seem to stop.

**Update-- aparentl while I was typing this, I missed an IM from J :( But, even though I missed it, it's a good thing, because I finally heard back from him. He had signed off by the time I saw it, so I sent him an email with my number. Keeping my fingers crossed **

Going to end today's post with lyrics from a couple songs, both by Beth Nielsen Chapman.

Avalanch

I wasn't ready for the avalanche
When we let things slide
I'd always hoped that we would have the chance
At least to say we tried
So I went sifting though my old mistakes
On the day you left
And I decided to forgive myself
The heart can only take so much regret

You're all I'm aching for
And yet
I don't want this pain no more
And Yet
My heart won't lock that door
I wasn't ready for the avalanche
Find More lyrics at www.sweetslyrics.com

I wasn't ready for the words you chose
When you said goodbye
Or just how suddenly the roads could close
Between your life and mine
So I went looking for the reasons why
And I got so lost
And I decided I would have to try
To live without your love at any cost

You're all I'm aching for
And yet
I don't want this pain no more
I can't get
My heart to lock that door
And I wasn't ready for the avalanche

I Keep Coming Back to You

Seems like after all we've been through
We would have learned by now
Never to fight for gets the last word
It doesn't matter anyhow
But 'round and 'round we go in circles
Trying to work things through
And sometimes it feels like miles between us
But I keep coming back to you

CHORUS:
And it's rough
And it's tough
And it's harder than anything I've ever tried to do
But I love you so much that in spite of the struggle
Find More lyrics at www.sweetslyrics.com
I keep coming back to you

Hold me now, just think about this room
That we have shared so long
We've studied that map of cracks on the ceiling
Talking till the break of dawn
There is something strong as history
Telling me this love is true
They say "Follow your heart and you'll be happy"
So I keep coming back to you

CHORUS