Not a fool...

I spent the last few days out at my dad's. Got kind of boring after a while. I'm so used to there being noise, and people in the background, that when I'm by myself for  more than a day, I don't know what to do I read 5 books from thursday night to saturday night made cinnamon rolls from scratch, made egg bites, an upside down lemon meringue pie, was just bored in general.I would  have made more stuff, but I didnt have the money to go buy more supplies. My dad and step-mom came home early; they came home last night rather than today. I ended up making more of the egg bites, and I did version #2 of the Chicken Enhilada Soup. It turned out soooo much better than the first batch I made earlier this week. I wish I had brought some back home to my mom's with me. I also threw out the idea to my dad, that while I am unemployed, I should go out there like once a week, and cook for them. Make them meals, and such, that can be frozen and taken out when needed. I think it's probably going to happen.

I finally got up the nerve to send J a text asking him if I'm a fool for getting my hopes up. He said I'm not, which of course, raises my hopes even more, lol. I was supposed to go over to his place tonight, but left Simi Valley too late, and he was falling asleep. I understood, but I was still kinda dissapointed. I was looking forward to falling asleep with him. It's been a long time since that's happened. On the upside, I will still be seeing him in the morning. Going to pick him up and take him to school. I feel anxious, and aprehensive, and I'm not sure why. Maybe it's because we've had such ups and downs. It could be because I never quite know what to expect from him. Or it could be memories of what has gone wrong in the past, and not wanting to duplicate the bad. Part of me wants to just ask him flat out, what does he want-in general, and more specifically, from me. The other part of me wants to just coast along, and not rock the boat. It would most likely be healthier to just ask. I'm not sure. Hell, I'm not even sure where this is going. If we're "friends", or "seeing eachother/dating" or what. I'm always afraid to ask. I'm also not sure if he's aware of how much I do still love him, and that I would give up just about anything for him, with the exception of  my family and friends. Maybe its good that he doesn't know. Maybe it will help to keep me from  making a fool of myself. I know I have in the past, in regards to him. So, for now, I will stick with what I do know. That I'm not a fool for getting my hopes up.