Valentine's Day. Otherwise know as....

Single's Awareness Day. Yea, that pretty much sums it up. Today was kind of crappy overall. Half the house is sick, and I'm fighting to keep from getting it. I woke up this morning with a headache that hasn't gone away, and now I've developed a cough. I hate getting a cough. It almost always moves into my lungs and stays for months. Dang asthma, and my stupid lungs that don't like to work. I tried a little bit of orange juice when I woke up- bad idea. It didn't stay down, and screwed up my stomache for most of the day. I tried to take some generic children's tylenol, and it stayed down for about 2 minutes before I started heaving. Not fun. At all. I was able to keep some broth from my leftover chicken enchilada soup down, and I was able to drink a large glass of water about half an hour ago so that's good. I need to drink more water. I wouldn't have so many issues keeping food down, I think, if I stayed more hydrated. Plus, it'd help with the weight loss.

I did end up going and seeing M last night. It wasn't for very long, only about 45 minutes. It was nice seeing him, but a small part of me feels guilty, even though J and I aren't exclusive. I also heard from G yesterday. Kind of out of the blue since I thought he wasn't interested after our date because I didn't hear from him. He asked me if I'm still interested, and I kind of dodged the question. I'm in a bit of a tricky place right now. I have all these feelings mixed up inside, especially in regards to J. We set it up last night for me to give him a ride home from school today, but I woke up with a text saying he wasn't going to school today. i emailed him asking him what he was up to today, but I never heard anything back. When we started talking again, I asked him if I was a fool for getting my hopes up, and he said no. Right now, I'm not sure what to think. I know I saw M last night, but it kills me to think that he may be with another woman right now. He has every right, since we haven't labled anything, we're not exclusive. I won't tell him that I saw M, because he's got his jealous side. I just don't know how to ask him where we stand. I can't answer G truthfully until I know where I stand with J. And none of this factors in the small hope that I might get to see I sometime in the near future. There are days where, if I knew I had the choice between I and J, I would pick I. Other days, it would be J. Lately it's been more J, but this weekend I've been feeling insecure, and I hate it. I'm different when I'm with him than everyone else. I am definitely quieter, which I know some people won't believe. I don't know how to make him see that I've given stuff up just to see him, that yes, I still love him, without  breaking my heart again. If there is another girl, I'd much rather him tell me about it. It wouldn't be the first time, honestly. Like I said, we've had our issues.

Justin Timberlake
Confused

My Knees start to shake when you're in sight

My mind is filled with wonder

My heart with fright

When will this feeling stop

When did it start

How can I listen to my mind

without breaking my heart

I'm so confused

What should I do

I can't think of anything

Except you

Should I ignore you or just give it time

I can't think straight my heart controls my mind