Saturday, January 7, 2012
Sick
Woke up on Thursday feeling under the weather, and I am definitely sick now. A cold, plus I know I have an ear infection in my left ear, and one of my teeth is throbbing. Driving me nuts, and I just don't feel good physically. Emotionally, still on the same page as yesterday. Still feeling like I've lost an important part of my life. I feel kind of lost, not quite sure which direction to turn. I'm tired of being alone, but I don't get out enough to meet new people. Seems like a Catch 22 sometimes. I can't meet anyone if I don't go out, but I hate going out alone. I always feel so self consious. Always feel like people are judging me, and why would they choose me over the skinny girl. I know I need to get out of that mentality, but it's hard. I tend to get more down on myself too, when I'm sick. Sucks. Ugh, ok, it's bed time.
Friday, January 6, 2012
Things lost
Something happened last Friday "I", but I can't really go into the details. I had fun, and I felt happy. And then I found something out yesterday that pretty much knocked me on my ass. It's not something that I was expecting to hear, and combined with friday, left me feeling pretty shocked. Have you ever had your opinion of someone change in an instant? Where you find out they did something you never thought that they would do/ That's what happened. And I asked him about it today, and his response was that it just happened. He sent me that via text. As soon as I got that I had the weirdest feeling that I just lost an important part of my life, and I have no clue what to do about it. I make it a point to not regret anything that I do, but if I did lose that piece of my life, I will regret asking him. Not worth losing a friend over, even though it was important that I asked. I feel stuck, and I want to fix it but I can't. And I did nothing wrong, but I feel like I'm in the wrong. I guess that's what years of people making you feel like crap will do. Even when I know I did nothing wrong, I feel like it's my fault. It's why I don't think I'm worth more. Oh, I'll say that I deserve better, but deep down, I don't really believe it. Deep down, I wonder why and how anyone could like me, or find me attractive, "I" is one of the few people of the opposite sex who has never made me feel those things, and I don't want to lose that. He has a girlfriend/. Fine, then we'll be just friends. I'd much rather have him in my life as a friend than not at all. I wonder though, if he realizes how much he actually means to me, and that he has always been more than just a hook up to me. I wish I knew how to fix this.... :(
Don't say a wordI know you feel the same
Just give me a sign
Say anything say anything
Please don't walk away
I know you want to stay
Just give me a sign
Say anything say anything
Some say that
Time changesBest friends can
Become strangers
But I don't want that
No not for you
Don't say a wordI know you feel the same
Just give me a sign
Say anything say anything
Please don't walk away
I know you want to stay
Just give me a sign
Say anything say anything
Some say that
Time changesBest friends can
Become strangers
But I don't want that
No not for you
Monday, January 2, 2012
Been too long
It's been too long since I've been on here. I've had my reasons though. I can't quite put it out there yet as to why, but once February is in the past, I'll be able to really go into what has been happening since my last post. I do have entries that I've written, and I have them saved so I can copy and past, and try to keep things in order, I guess you could say. Right now, I can say that I'm glad to see the end of last year. It was a very rough year, very emotional, and I'm very much ready to start the next chapter in my life. But, since I can't really go into stuff right now, especially since I have to be up at 520 for work, I'll leave it at the first of my Resolutions for this year.
New Years Resolutions 2012
1. Take better care of my skin!
New Years Resolutions 2012
1. Take better care of my skin!
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